Convoke
I convoked you all here this morning to let you know that it's 4.00 AM Central Daylight Savings time and the 'sband has awakened with
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiise n shine! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE N SHINE!"
I do love the guy, but there are fleeting moments...
Anyway, we're up before the crack of dawn to go hot-air ballooning (insert lame gastronomical joke here). Luckily when I get up this early I'm not crabby as much as I'm simply numb. Mind you, don't go outa yer way to piss me off, but I have an almost easier time of it now than if we got up at 5.30.
It's sort of like the big business guy who gets pissed off when he finds out someone stole a package of paper from the copier room. He deals in millions of dollars coming and going, winning and losing, on a daily basis, and doesn't get upset by that cuz he simply can't comprehend it. But seven bucks he can comprehend, dammit!!
What I'm saying is that I'm too numb to comprehend that I'm up three and a half hours earlier than normal. Maybe I should get up this early every morning. I could go through the day in a sort of numb haze. Nothing would bother me. Or make me particularly happy. As someone who's never been very good with emotions, that might not be a bad thing.
Speaking of numb, I've ridden my bike from Minneapolis to Chicago a few times for charity and would get up at 5.00 and be on the road at 6.00. At the end of day four, a couple of us went into town for frozen custard. I knew what I wanted but I was so numb from exhaustion that I'll be damned if I could vocalize "vanilla with chocolate almonds." So I just pointed to the menu on the wall behind the counter and said, "that one."
My co-hort: "She thinks you're high, you know."
Me: "Wh...what?"
Him: "The girl that took your order, she thinks you're high."
Me: "No she doesn't!"
Him: "BrieDank, your eyes are glassy, you can't form words, and you have perma-grin."
So I did the smartest thing I could think of. When she brought me my treat...
"I'm not high, you know."
"Of course you're not!"
Ah, phuque...
Friday, July 13, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
anthophilous
Anthophilous
"And so, I will fill you with the pollen of knowledge!"
"You've been thaying that for the latht three weeks! An' tho fill us, an' tho fill us!"
And thus botany humour was born.
As an aside, my cat just sat on my computer mouse. I think she's trying to hatch it or something.
Nice, now it smells like Friskies.
Anyway, I wonder if people who hand pollinate plants refer to themselves as anthophilousters. Which of course at their next symposium would lead to
"So I says to the guy, I says, 'you anthophilouster, you brought her'!"
!!!!!!HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!
"Botanists RULE!! YEA!!"
And yes, I know botany humour already exists. But would those jokes still be funny after all the botanists had a cocktail or three??
Speaking of which, you find the oddest things while doing an 'anthophilus' image search...
And I would write more because this is sort of short today, but after that, who needs it...???
"And so, I will fill you with the pollen of knowledge!"
"You've been thaying that for the latht three weeks! An' tho fill us, an' tho fill us!"
And thus botany humour was born.
As an aside, my cat just sat on my computer mouse. I think she's trying to hatch it or something.
Nice, now it smells like Friskies.
Anyway, I wonder if people who hand pollinate plants refer to themselves as anthophilousters. Which of course at their next symposium would lead to
"So I says to the guy, I says, 'you anthophilouster, you brought her'!"
!!!!!!HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!
"Botanists RULE!! YEA!!"
And yes, I know botany humour already exists. But would those jokes still be funny after all the botanists had a cocktail or three??
Speaking of which, you find the oddest things while doing an 'anthophilus' image search...
 |
| The 'sband may not like this idea, but I think I know what our Christmas cards are going to be this year. |
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tucket
Tucket
Well, I know what I want for my birthday! That's right, a trumpet so I can play a tucket when the 'sband comes home from work!*
This is so odd (or not), but I can't think of the whole fanfare thing without thinking of Florence Foster Jenkins and the winged outfit she wore. (If you don't know who she is, see this.) In my opinion, the only two groups of people who deserve tuckets upon entering a room are queens (as in royalty of a country), or women in winged outfits. OK fine, I'll also allow for (since I know your brain is clamoring for it) queens (as in drag) in winged outfits. Unfortunately I know very few drag queens and no royalty, so I don't think there'll be a lotta tucketting at any future soirees we may hold. And if the invite said "wear wings - receive a tucket!" there would probably be two people that showed up. And one of them would probably not be the 'sband.
So it would be me, the one person, and the tucketter I hired hanging out in the main ballroom of the Ritz Carlton surrounded by balloons and crepe papers and flowers and champagne. Holy crap, what a waste of money. Undoubtedly the tucketter would end up drinking all the champagne, and the first time he left the room, my friend would plug up his horn and use it as a goblet. Of course, if it was an Alpine horn (or "labrophone" for you hoity-tooities), s/he wouldn't need to plug it up - just make sure it didn't fall backwards and s/he'd have quite the little goblet there. It would be very clumsy to carry around, though, what with trying to balance it at the proper angle so none of the liquid refreshment spilled out. On the way out to his/her cab my friend would drunkenly slur to the doorman
"I coodn leave the ballroom all night cuz my glass was too tall to get through the door!"
And then they would share a good-natured laugh together and my friend would slip the doorman a fiver and hit on him.
Well, I guess we had a good time after all! See what you missed by not wanting to wear wings? Party poopers.
*HA! Gotcha!! No one can call BrieDank predictable!
Well, I know what I want for my birthday! That's right, a trumpet so I can play a tucket when the 'sband comes home from work!*
This is so odd (or not), but I can't think of the whole fanfare thing without thinking of Florence Foster Jenkins and the winged outfit she wore. (If you don't know who she is, see this.) In my opinion, the only two groups of people who deserve tuckets upon entering a room are queens (as in royalty of a country), or women in winged outfits. OK fine, I'll also allow for (since I know your brain is clamoring for it) queens (as in drag) in winged outfits. Unfortunately I know very few drag queens and no royalty, so I don't think there'll be a lotta tucketting at any future soirees we may hold. And if the invite said "wear wings - receive a tucket!" there would probably be two people that showed up. And one of them would probably not be the 'sband.
So it would be me, the one person, and the tucketter I hired hanging out in the main ballroom of the Ritz Carlton surrounded by balloons and crepe papers and flowers and champagne. Holy crap, what a waste of money. Undoubtedly the tucketter would end up drinking all the champagne, and the first time he left the room, my friend would plug up his horn and use it as a goblet. Of course, if it was an Alpine horn (or "labrophone" for you hoity-tooities), s/he wouldn't need to plug it up - just make sure it didn't fall backwards and s/he'd have quite the little goblet there. It would be very clumsy to carry around, though, what with trying to balance it at the proper angle so none of the liquid refreshment spilled out. On the way out to his/her cab my friend would drunkenly slur to the doorman
"I coodn leave the ballroom all night cuz my glass was too tall to get through the door!"
And then they would share a good-natured laugh together and my friend would slip the doorman a fiver and hit on him.
Well, I guess we had a good time after all! See what you missed by not wanting to wear wings? Party poopers.
*HA! Gotcha!! No one can call BrieDank predictable!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Hydromancy
Hydromancy
For some reason I'm suddenly not getting my daily Word of the Day email. Hmmm, should I take it personally? Are they trying to tell me something? I'm going to say no. I mean, that would be like saying that the cat only lets me pick her up when it's feeding time because she's after food. Please, she's a cat, she craves attention.
Anyway, I spent the weekend with the 'rents at their assisted-living residence and noticed that none of the older residents listen to music - some have radios, but no one has a stereo. It really got me thinking about what it'll be like if I move into one someday. Will I have all my albums and CDs? What about the wide-screen 3D TV and the DVDs? Will I still have the Victrola and the 78s? The 'sband and I are gonna need big rooms if we take our entertainment with us.
Let's do a little hydromancy sans water and listen to a conversation between the caregivers...
"So, what did he grow up with? 78s, albums, or CDs?"
"I don't know - all three I guess."
"That's impossible. There's like a hundred years between them. Why doesn't he get rid of all that crap? No one's owned any of that crap in years."
"Well don't tell him that, he'll do that stupid shaking-of-the-fist-in-your-general-direction thing. So annoying."
"He was listening to that stupid disco again today."
"I don't think that was disco. I think that was turn-of-the-century Trance. Don't confuse them in front of him. He gets totally pissed."
"Why does he always refer to his husband as 'the 'sband'? Phreeque."
"Uh...'phreeque'? You realize that's how he'd spell it."
"What? Oh dammit, he's rubbin' off on me! OK, so what's with him always going on about 'the beauty that is, you know,' but then never saying who the hell 'you know' is? No, I don't know who 'you know' is, and giving me that creepy grin and wrinkling his nose does not help explain it."
And that, unfortunately, is what concerns me the most about Future Me. Right now I can make a joke that I think is pretty funny and people, well, if they feel the need, people just simply ignore me. In the future will they go from being slightly confused to thinking I'm truly losing it? And now you know what keeps me awake at night.
For some reason I'm suddenly not getting my daily Word of the Day email. Hmmm, should I take it personally? Are they trying to tell me something? I'm going to say no. I mean, that would be like saying that the cat only lets me pick her up when it's feeding time because she's after food. Please, she's a cat, she craves attention.
Anyway, I spent the weekend with the 'rents at their assisted-living residence and noticed that none of the older residents listen to music - some have radios, but no one has a stereo. It really got me thinking about what it'll be like if I move into one someday. Will I have all my albums and CDs? What about the wide-screen 3D TV and the DVDs? Will I still have the Victrola and the 78s? The 'sband and I are gonna need big rooms if we take our entertainment with us.
Let's do a little hydromancy sans water and listen to a conversation between the caregivers...
"So, what did he grow up with? 78s, albums, or CDs?"
"I don't know - all three I guess."
"That's impossible. There's like a hundred years between them. Why doesn't he get rid of all that crap? No one's owned any of that crap in years."
"Well don't tell him that, he'll do that stupid shaking-of-the-fist-in-your-general-direction thing. So annoying."
"He was listening to that stupid disco again today."
"I don't think that was disco. I think that was turn-of-the-century Trance. Don't confuse them in front of him. He gets totally pissed."
"Why does he always refer to his husband as 'the 'sband'? Phreeque."
"Uh...'phreeque'? You realize that's how he'd spell it."
"What? Oh dammit, he's rubbin' off on me! OK, so what's with him always going on about 'the beauty that is, you know,' but then never saying who the hell 'you know' is? No, I don't know who 'you know' is, and giving me that creepy grin and wrinkling his nose does not help explain it."
And that, unfortunately, is what concerns me the most about Future Me. Right now I can make a joke that I think is pretty funny and people, well, if they feel the need, people just simply ignore me. In the future will they go from being slightly confused to thinking I'm truly losing it? And now you know what keeps me awake at night.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Goober
Goober
I had to post to the dictionary definition instead of the official Word of the Day entry cuz I'm at a hotel and I was getting some weird error messages. So unfortunately, you don't get the "did you know?" section that discusses the entomology and all that. But who needs it when you can come here to get information that's even more interesting? That's right, in looking around for goober stuff online, I came across this ditty. But wait, there's more!! Who says you can't learn anything visiting my blog? I hope no one, cuz if they did, they're obviously wrong!!
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Burl Ives singing those songs while at the same time playing Big Daddy is just surreal.
To my reader who speaks English as a second (or third) language. While 'goober' may mean peanut, whilst visiting the former British colonies known as the U.S. of A., remember that if you decide to use 'goober' instead of 'peanut,' this is what many people will visualize.
Just, you know, FYI...
I had to post to the dictionary definition instead of the official Word of the Day entry cuz I'm at a hotel and I was getting some weird error messages. So unfortunately, you don't get the "did you know?" section that discusses the entomology and all that. But who needs it when you can come here to get information that's even more interesting? That's right, in looking around for goober stuff online, I came across this ditty. But wait, there's more!! Who says you can't learn anything visiting my blog? I hope no one, cuz if they did, they're obviously wrong!!
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Burl Ives singing those songs while at the same time playing Big Daddy is just surreal.
To my reader who speaks English as a second (or third) language. While 'goober' may mean peanut, whilst visiting the former British colonies known as the U.S. of A., remember that if you decide to use 'goober' instead of 'peanut,' this is what many people will visualize.
Just, you know, FYI...
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