Tucket

Tucket

Well, I know what I want for my birthday! That's right, a trumpet so I can play a tucket when the 'sband comes home from work!*

This is so odd (or not), but I can't think of the whole fanfare thing without thinking of Florence Foster Jenkins and the winged outfit she wore. (If you don't know who she is, see this.) In my opinion, the only two groups of people who deserve tuckets upon entering a room are queens (as in royalty of a country), or women in winged outfits. OK fine, I'll also allow for (since I know your brain is clamoring for it) queens (as in drag) in winged outfits. Unfortunately I know very few drag queens and no royalty, so I don't think there'll be a lotta tucketting at any future soirees we may hold. And if the invite said "wear wings - receive a tucket!" there would probably be two people that showed up. And one of them would probably not be the 'sband.

So it would be me, the one person, and the tucketter I hired hanging out in the main ballroom of the Ritz Carlton surrounded by balloons and crepe papers and flowers and champagne. Holy crap, what a waste of money. Undoubtedly the tucketter would end up drinking all the champagne, and the first time he left the room, my friend would plug up his horn and use it as a goblet. Of course, if it was an Alpine horn (or "labrophone" for you hoity-tooities), s/he wouldn't need to plug it up - just make sure it didn't fall backwards and s/he'd have quite the little goblet there. It would be very clumsy to carry around, though, what with trying to balance it at the proper angle so none of the liquid refreshment spilled out. On the way out to his/her cab my friend would drunkenly slur to the doorman

"I coodn leave the ballroom all night cuz my glass was too tall to get through the door!"

And then they would share a good-natured laugh together and my friend would slip the doorman a fiver and hit on him.

Well, I guess we had a good time after all! See what you missed by not wanting to wear wings? Party poopers.

*HA! Gotcha!! No one can call BrieDank predictable!