Dundrearies

Dundrearies

"Hello, I'm Mr. Dundreary. How are you?
I am fine. I have a monocle stuck
in my eyelid. Pity, that."

 Yea, they're Done Dreary alright. I hate long bushy sideburns! I wonder if you grew them long enough if you could turn them into dreadlocks. Get some extensions woven into them. Maybe some nice vintage multi-colored yarn, or perhaps if you're a real man, some multi-colored telephone/computer cable. Or to prove that you're really a true man, some twisted duct tape. Yea, that would be neat. People would ask you questions that they knew you'd answer negatively just to watch you shake your extensions back and forth. And every time you did you get a little massage on your neck from the slapping of the cables. But it would be just enough to get the blood flowing without really hurting. But that would lead to an extension addiction and you'd grow your beard out and get stuff woven into that and you'd get all kinds of long beaded cords and yards of straw woven in and would become a professional hula dancer and you'd never put on your skivvies cuz hell, it's not like anyone can see through all the straw and cords hanging from your beard but you forgot that you didn't have any extensions put on the backside of your head and you'd get arrested for walking around with your South Side flopping in the wind but by this time you don't care - you're a rebel, man, ain't no way The Man gonna make you wear pants - besides you got a gig to get to - the cats are waiting for you to do your hula dancing at that hip new spot all the hip cats are going to - the Hip Hip Hooray Club where "If you're ain't hip, you're a drip" and your people have gathered to watch you, but of course that cop, he don't care cuz he's just workin' for The Man and he takes you downtown to the Big House where you spend the night with two winos and some guy that thinks you're some sort of savior cuz man, you're giving off the vibe and what does he have to do to be saved, but you just  ignore him - you don't have time for that kind of jive, you need to get outa here but that don't happen til the next morning - the next morning she comes - you know - the moll with the gams from here to next Arbor Day and you look at her and it suddenly seems like you been in the slammer fer so long that you think you never gonna see anything like that and yet here she is and she's ready to sign, seal, and deliver you - deliver you right out of that Popsicle stand and when you leave with the dame the sun is coming up and there's litter blowing across the streets and one-night stands on their walk of shame and you have no idea who she is or where she came from, but she's got a job for you, see, a job you can't refuse - a job you don't want to refuse, cuz you've always been a sucker for a 38 27 38 and here she is leading you to the unexplored side of town where you ain't never been.. And that's how you got to be the receptionist at Great Clips.

Dyslogistic

Dyslogistic

Did you see the end of the Did You Know? section?

"And even today the word is likely to be encountered in judicial and intellectual writings."

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa????
Are you saying that just because I never see dyslogistic being used in NASCAR Harlequin Romances that NASCAR Harlequin Romances aren't intellectual? Freaking snobs.

It is rather odd that the word comes from the combination that gave us 'dyseulogy.'

"We now bow our heads to remember...uh...anyone know who the guy is? Ah screw it...is the luncheon ready? I hope the guy wasn't Jewish, I have a hankerin' fer ham."

"Hankering"
Wow, now THERE is a totally cool word!! It's best said with a Wisconsin accent:

"haaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeenkerin'"

Really get that A up there in your sinuses. Say with a wide open-mouthed smile. Force as much air as possible through your nose when saying it. Now yer talkin' like someone from Wisconsin! (And, yes, I would/could/should know.)

You know I try not to talk about myself too much in the column - I mean, I really try to keep it about the words. BUT! If there is one thing I've come to appreciate, it's hearing people trying to pronounce the names of towns in Wisconsin. When yer from there, it just all seems so obvious. But evidently...

You know what I really sometimes get a hankerin' for? Yea...*

*Hey, I wasn't going to, but, well, you know who you are!!!

PS: I seem to have gotten some hits from the Ukraine. Well, to welcome my new friends, I offer you this translation of the above:

Ви бачили, до кінця знаєте ви? розділ?

"І навіть сьогодні слово, ймовірно, буде виявлено в ході судових та інтелектуальні праці."

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa??
Ви кажете, що тільки тому, що я ніколи не бачив несхвальний використовується в NASCAR Арлекін романси Це NASCAR Арлекін романси не інтелектуал? Freaking снобів.

Це досить дивно, що слово походить від поєднання 'dyseulogy.'

"Зараз ми схиляємо голови перед пам'ятаю ... е-е ... хто знає, хто цей хлопець? Ах гвинт це ... це обід готовий? Я сподіваюся, що хлопець не був євреєм, у мене є hankerin" ТЕР шинки."

"Жагуче бажання" Ух ти, зараз Існує абсолютно здорово слово! Найкраще сказав з акцентом Вісконсін:

"haaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeenkerin"

Дійсно отримаємо, що там, у вашій пазух. Скажіть з широко відкритим ротом посмішку. Змусити стільки повітря, скільки можливо через ніс, коли говорив це. Тепер, як хтось вибору говориш з Вісконсіна! (І, так, я б / може / мусить знати.)

Ви знаєте, я намагаюся не говорити про себе багато в колонці - я маю на увазі, я справді намагаюся тримати його про слова. АЛЕ! Якщо є одна річ, яку я приїхав, щоб цінувати, він чує людей, які намагаються вимовляти назви міст в штаті Вісконсін.

Коли вибору звідти, це просто все здається таким очевидним. Але, мабуть, ... Ви знаєте, що я дійсно іноді hankerin "для? Да ...

** Ей, я не збираюся, але, ну, ви знаєте, хто ви є!

Ramose

Ramose

Wow, talk about confusing. I did an image search and came up with all this Egyptian stuff. Here there was an Egyptian leader named Ramose. I thought they were all named Ramesses.

"Oh Moses....Moses, Moses, Moses. How many times must I tell you that your toeses are not roses? So let it be written; so let it be done. Oh by the way, Messala has a crush on you."

I like that ramose gave us 'ramify.' From now on whenever I hear something asking about 'the ramifications' I'm going to see tentacles growing out of the original suggestion. Is it just me, or are tentacles creepy? I'm not talking physical ones, just the metaphorical type. I think of ramifications as being tentacles and all of a sudden I get a panic attack.

"But if we change the font of the blog from a sans serif to a serif, do we know the ramifications?"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, we live in a universe of complete chaos, capriciousness, and unknowns! I can't go on!"
"Well, as a student of the school of pseudorandomness, I think I can help. Luckily I've brought along my linear congruential calculator which will tell us just how many ramoses could sprout from such a change."
"Bah-humbug! As a student of the frequency of interpretation of probability, the young man has every right to panic. We never know what the outcome of anything will be. The entire building will be covered with your ramoses, smothering us all. Neither font will do us any good if we're dead from suffocation!"
"I believe we must meditate and pray. Our energy will allow for a positive outcome. We can bring the universe into alignment that will allow for this font change to benefit all of humankind."
"You people are all freaking morons. Just freakin' do it, already. Who gives a crap? I got The Real Housewives of Des Moines waiting for me at home on TiVo."

Speaking of not thinking through the ramifications - me getting a board of directors to help run this blog was the biggest ramose grower of them all. Cripes.

De minimus

De minimus

"So, I hear the report you did was totally lame and only lasted a minute and a half."
"Yea, the teacher said he was gonna give me a de minimus."

This word makes me really happy. De minimus. It just bounces all over the mouth and gums when being said. De minimus. Be sure to hold the s for just a split second for balance and grounding - like the ending of a symphony. Now say it with your eyes half closed and then open them wide by the end of the s.  And now say it while doing your most sexy snarl - like yer going in for some extreme animalistic naughtiness.* Really savor the s on this one. Di minimusssssssss. Say it thusly while watching this (yes, it's safe for work). Isn't that fun?

Did anyone else feel weird when O.N. John came out with that song? It seemed like all of her songs were so pure and wholesome and then she comes out with this. I found it rather unsettling. Not as unsettling as I found her character in Grease,** but still disconcerting. I've never understood, towards the end of the song when the word changes from 'physical' to 'enema.' "Let's get enema"? That sounds icky. Top 40 is so weird.

*And I mean with another human being - if yer mind went anywhere else because you saw the word 'animalistic' you're gross and sick.
**Grease has to be the ultimate virgin/whore story. If you don't know what I'm talking about, ask a feminist.

Marplot

Marplot

Yikes, could you imagine being a marall? Now it would be a killall. Ouch.

You know I love my 'sband and I would never call him a maranything, but following is a list of things he stopped me from doing after we started dating. I always think it's fun to act a bit odd in public - keeps people on their toes and gives them something to talk about. But the following is a list of things I can no longer do:

1. Walk down the street with three facial tissues wadded up and shoved into my left nostril.

I would do that and then come home and laugh and laugh! And it never hurt anyone. I even got my picture taken a few times - I thought it was sort of fun. No one ever talked to me or posed for the photos with me, in fact it seemed like people were trying to sneak the picture. Heck, they shoulda just asked me to stand there and smile. We could've had a good chuckle over it. They evidently got the joke and were going to share it with friends.

"Hey, lookit this guy pulling a funny with the wadded tissue up his nose. What an imaginative person - he's going to make someone a great partner someday. If he's that entertaining in public, imagine how entertaining he must be at parties and other such social events. What a great guy to have for a friend. I wish he was my friend. My friends seem so boring in comparison. Darn it, why didn't I talk to him? I wonder if he's still standing there reading the phone book? Maybe I'll go back and see if he's still standing there reading the phone book."

Or some such thing.

Fine, I never read the phone book while doing it. I just thought of that at this point in time. Wish I had, tho, it would've added a whole new dimension. I never think of the really good stuff until the time is over.