Quiddity

Quiddity

Of course myne reader will see the word and immediately he'll say to himself, he'll say,

"Oh boy, BrieDank is just gonna write about himself again."

Well, first of all, isn't that why we have blogs? And also, no I'm not! I don't think. I mean, I don't know - I make this up as I go along and Kelly is on TV, so how much can I really think about what I'm writing. Oh, and now Matthew McConaughey is on. He's OK, I guess. He's certainly not...you know. (I won't bother with the link - see yesterday's if this is yer first time.)

Uh oh. I just found this at Wikipedia:

"...another term for the essence of an object, literally its 'whatness,' or 'what it is.'"

"Whatness"?? Stupid philosophers. I suddenly feel like I owe all those corporadoes an apology for picking on them for making up words to sound cool. On the other hand, lots of words can have -ness put at the end to make them the quiddity of something.*

For example, nothingness. But why, pray tell, can there not be somethingness? I think from now on, instead of just wanting all or nothing, I'm going to demand allness or nothingness. Sort of takes it to a new level, doesn't it? And despite neither one being in the dictionary, I'm going to start discussing insideness and outsideness.

"The insideness of our modern lifestyle, coupled with bad diet, has added to the problem of child overweightness."

And why am I not making a living writing this stuff??

I was going to make a joke about slowness vs fastness. But...

"The fastness and stability characteristics of the individual brighteners are given in the tables in the appendix."
"Fastness and apparent efficiency are overthrowing legal procedures."
"They also have higher fixation rates and better fastness properties."

Euw. Obviously I've heard slowness many times (yes, it took me a long time to get used to it), but I've never heard fastness before. I have to say, those example statements from Dictionary.com are sorta making myne skin crawl.

Oh wait, I'm sorry. They're sorta covering myne skin with crawlness.

*See what I did there? I used the word. Proud of me?

Planet

Planet

Wow. Planet. The mind reels with stuff to talk about. Ideas are popping outa myne head like...things that pop. Corn maybe. Yea, that's it. The word planet is making ideas pop outa myne head on what to talk about like popcorn. In my head. If I were plugged in. Popcorn in my head. Wow. Even my metaphors are poppin' bad.

I now know why people take the blogger labels they use seriously. I'm thinking to myneself, I'm thinking,

"Hey, metaphors, I heart discussing metaphors! I wonder how often I've done it before. Would I be repeating myneself? I have no idea. Blogger doesn't have search and I use keywords like I use the Word of the Day. Not often respectfully. Well, maybe I should just put a link to...but I was told that my poor 'Sband must hear me talk about him every hour on the hour (or was it quarter hour?), and I don't want people to think I have an obsession or something. Even if I do. Which I don't."


But speaking of proprietary algorythms,* I just discovered what I want for my next birthday! How fun would it be to pull out one of those at your next party?


"Hey, I brought my glucose reader! Who wants to test their blood sugar?"
"BORING!!"
"Hey, I brought my new AccuPen Tonometer! Who wants to test their intracular pressure??"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"
"That's right, for only 100 easy monthly payments of $29.95, you can be the life of your party! Use it at your home, the office, your favorite dance club, while boating! Great for the kids during those long road trips! Liven up your next trans-continental flight! It'll make you the hero of those sitting around you during those long sermons, plus, give it to your teens during communion so they do something other than just look at the butts of the people going up for communion!"
"Hey, can I use it, too?"
"Of course you can! But not until you take off that scuba gear!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
"Call today!"

*According to my spell checker, it should be 'algorithm.' BORING!!!

Oftentimes

Oftentimes


Personally I think this should be ofttimes just because I like how it sounds, but they never ask me. Even now when I have a blog, they don't ask me. Not just a blog, but an important language blog, read by...

Fine, it's read by two people. I mentioned in the past that I had three readers, but my mom said that I was cutting in on her TMZ and The Smoking Gun time. Thanks, mom.

But what I want to know is how some words that are normally two (or three) suddenly become one. They do it all the time in the Germany.* But in English, of course, the whole thing makes no sense. I suppose it could be argued that it's like that they combine for a different nuance - say 'all ready' and 'already' for example.

So why isn't 'alot' one word? I'll admit, it drives me knutz when I see someone spell it that way, and this is not me hoping to get the rule changed, but by rights, shouldn't it be? It's no different from 'sometimes.'**

Screw it. I'm putting myne foot down right here and now and declare that from here on out, I shall not be using sometimes and oftentimes any longer, I will be using occasionaltimes and manytimes. Or perhaps for the latter I'll just go all the way and use awholelottatimes. I'm syque of these self-appointed dictionary writers telling me what I can and can't write.

You know who I really blame it on? The French. Stupid French.

*Did you know that in Germany when you ask for a large popcorn at the movie theater, you have to ask for the Grossehonkinmuelleimerpuffmais? It's true. Ask a Deutscherlandereneriner.
**As an aside (which is different from 'a side'), Lilly Allen just came on my Spotify singing Phuque You. Now, much to the 'Sband's dismay, 'phuque' is one my favorite words in the English language, but this early in the morning, hearing it over and over is rather disconcerting, I must say.

Desideratum

Desideratum

"Desi who?" you may query.

Desi Deratum, of course! This might be a good name for a drag queen, but I'm thinking not.

"It means I'm the most important, most desirable drag queen here!" hands sweeping outwards to convey a sense of space.
"Uh...OK...?"

Everybody, of course, knows that the Aries drag queen, no matter her name, is the most important of DQs (and of course they would be correct). In fact, I think I could humbly say that the Ram* is the desideratum of, well, basically, the human race - no offense to you other signs. I only believe in astrology so much, but, you know, when something is so obviously correct in some aspects, you can't completely deny it. Besides, denying stuff just makes life that much more doldrumatic.

It took me a while, though, before I realized that I couldn't just use my birth sign as an excuse for things. In kindergarten I could never settle down enough to relax during nap time. Drove me nuts! All this sensory overload and we were suddenly supposed to just turn it off and take a nap!?!?

"I'm an Aries, I can't just settle down on demand!"

The teacher was not impressed. Nor were my parents who decidedly did not believe in such things. Nor was the mayor. But here's the rub,** if I'm not desideratum in the extended def' of the word which I just created and is now lodged in my head, why was the mayor involved in a kindergartner's nap*** time? I never did get an answer. I wrote a letter to the town newspaper asking them what was going on that the mayor had nothing better to do than get involved in a kid's gnap time when there were roads that needed grading. But unfortunately it wasn't until many years later that I was able to properly convey my thoughts through letter writing, so by the time it got to the editor, the paper just wasn't interested in publishing a letter about something that had happened 20 years previously. Jerks.

*I don't use the word "Arien" because it's just too linked to...well, you know.
**That's Shakespeare, sort of. Impressed?
***Or as I like to call it "gnap." You know silent g's sort of turn me on.

Borborygmus

Borborygmus

So...borburygmus is onomatopoeic. Buzz. Purr. Chickadee. Borborygnus. Wow. 


"Had a great day at the fair yesterday! Had a corn dog, fried cheese curds, French fries, mini-donuts, a fried Twinkie, did all the rides, and then stopped at White Castle on the way home!"


I guess that would do it.


It seems so unfair that as I age I can no longer eat like I used to be able to. I'm not talking about having to watch the calories more, I'm just talking sheer intake.


"Oh, I'm sorry, this cake was supposed to serve more than four?"

"Hey, you kids, stop eating all that food, staying
up all night, and not have to pay
for it the next day!"*

It's just not freaking fair. Why do the young 'uns get to eat anything they want and stay up all night and not pay for it the entirety of the following day? Makes me want to stand in the backyard and shake my fist even if the kids aren't out making noise! It really isn't fair. All the crap I've lived though, and what's my reward? I can't eat or stay up late like I used to be able to. Just don't seem fittin'.


On the other hand, I no longer feel the need to listen to Top 40.


Musta been a long, draining weekend or something. A word like that, and that's all I got. Weird.


*Or perhaps he's just saying "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"