Plage
Wow, did you see how to pronounce this word? "plahzh." "hzh"?? "plah-zzz-hhhh." Or perhaps "pla-hhh-zzz-hhh." Or "plah-heee-zeee-heee." Next time the 'sband and I go to a resort to just hang out on the beach (cuz we're soooooooo into it), I'm gonna say to the front-desk dude,
"Hold my calls, I'm going to the plah-heee-zeee-heee."
And then we'll both laugh and he'll wag his finger at me, "I know what you're saying! You're a very funny man!"
And then we'll laugh some more. And as I leave the lobby he'll pull out his little pocket mirror and comb and ensure that his perfectly waxed mustache is neat and proper.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, that's just a glimpse of the whimsical good times you'll have on holiday with us this winter at the first annual Cruise With Bloggers who Average One Hit a Day! I have booked the entire Freedom of the Seas for a two-week cruise from December 20, 2012 to January 3, 2013 for the cruise of a lifetime! Throughout our two-week cruise you'll hear panel discussions from bloggers on how they are able to crank out an entry on a daily basis knowing that it will be seen by an average of one person. Plus, there will be insider discussions from the fan of these marvels of nature who will discuss how they feel knowing that, on a daily basis, a writer puts his/her heart and soul on the line - all for the enjoyment of him/her. And don't forget our fabulous ports of call! Sydney! Honolulu! Tokyo! Newark! Oslo! Paris! Africa!
As of this writing I have no idea who these fellow writers and fans
are, I mean, hell, it's not like I read any of them, but I'm sure we can
round some people up. So you don't forget, book now!! Rooms are limited! And with the thousands of blogs that get a hit day, once word gets out, watch out!!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Florid
Florid
My, color me confused! When I first read this, I thought the word was "fluoride"! Some words do have a wide variety of meanings, but to be a flowery style and a divisive chemical compound was getting me a mite confused!
So then I'm thinking to myself, I'm thinking
"Self," I'm thinking, "we need to write this entry in a florid manner and really let myne reader know of what I am capable!"
And then I realized that the only big words I know are "odious" and "asthmatic," and neither of those is particularly impressive. You know how you can plug in a statement and have it translated from one language to another? They should have that for different levels of speaker. There would be "common," "eloquent," "verbose," and "PhD." And then, once they got those in place, they could get more esoteric: "homey," "drag queen," "corporado," "lumber jack," "redneck," "techy geek," "romance novelist," "groupie," "docent," "ombudsperson," etc etc etc.
Ombudsperson. Now there's a weird word. Same with Registrar. When I first saw those two words on the doors of offices, I thought they had to have just been made up on the spot. I'll bet when pirates retire from life on the seas they try to become registrars.
"Thank you for calling the office of the registrrrrrrrrrrrrarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
After the call...
"I'm sorry, Mr. Beard, we're going to have to..."
"Please, call me Blue."
"I'm sorry...Mr. Beard...we're going to have to let you go."
"Arrrrrrrrrrrr...What? Why?"
"Your call times are double what they should be because of the elongation of your 'R's."
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrre you sure?"
I would continue, but you can see where this is going. Excuse me, I have to go brush my teeth now.
My, color me confused! When I first read this, I thought the word was "fluoride"! Some words do have a wide variety of meanings, but to be a flowery style and a divisive chemical compound was getting me a mite confused!
So then I'm thinking to myself, I'm thinking
"Self," I'm thinking, "we need to write this entry in a florid manner and really let myne reader know of what I am capable!"
And then I realized that the only big words I know are "odious" and "asthmatic," and neither of those is particularly impressive. You know how you can plug in a statement and have it translated from one language to another? They should have that for different levels of speaker. There would be "common," "eloquent," "verbose," and "PhD." And then, once they got those in place, they could get more esoteric: "homey," "drag queen," "corporado," "lumber jack," "redneck," "techy geek," "romance novelist," "groupie," "docent," "ombudsperson," etc etc etc.
Ombudsperson. Now there's a weird word. Same with Registrar. When I first saw those two words on the doors of offices, I thought they had to have just been made up on the spot. I'll bet when pirates retire from life on the seas they try to become registrars.
"Thank you for calling the office of the registrrrrrrrrrrrrarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
After the call...
"I'm sorry, Mr. Beard, we're going to have to..."
"Please, call me Blue."
"I'm sorry...Mr. Beard...we're going to have to let you go."
"Arrrrrrrrrrrr...What? Why?"
"Your call times are double what they should be because of the elongation of your 'R's."
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrre you sure?"
I would continue, but you can see where this is going. Excuse me, I have to go brush my teeth now.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Yawp
Yawp
So the 'sbanToday's Touched in the Grey Matter is being preempted so we may present to you a new and different blog:
TOUCHED IN THE YAWP MATTER.
THAT'S RIGHT, TOUCHED IN THE YAWP MATTER IS WRITTEN COMPLETELY IN UPPER CAPS SO YOU CAN SEE THAT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY IS IMPORTANT AND THAT YOU MUST LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT!!
AS A FOLLOWER OF MICHELE BACHMANN, I HAVE TO SAY THAT I AM SHOCKED - SHOCKED! - THAT FIRST THE HOMOSEXUALS TRIED TO TAKE OVER, AND THEN THE MUSLIMS TRIED TO TAKE OVER, AND NOW THERE ARE HOMOSEXUAL MUSLIMS THAT ARE TRYING TO TAKE OVER!! THERE'S EVEN A MOVIE ABOUT IT!
WHAT'S NEXT? HOMOSEXUAL JEWS? HOMOSEXUAL BLACKS? HOMOSEXUAL BLACK JEWS?? HOMOSEXUAL BLACK JEWS GETTING MONEY FROM THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS?? HOMOSEXUAL BLACK JEWS GETTING MONEY FROM THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS WITH A GLASS EYE?? IS THAT WHO YOU WANT RUNNING THIS COUNTRY? HOMOSEXUAL BLACK JEWS GETTING MONEY FROM THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS WITH A GLASS EYE??
UNLESS YOU, TRUE STRAIGHT WHITE AMERICANS (NOT THE CANADIAN KIND WHERE THEY THINK EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE HEALTH CARE AND MARRIAGE EQUALITY) TAKE CARE, THIS IS WHO WILL BE RUNNING THIS FINE UNITED STATES OF OUR AMERICA: HOMOSEXUAL BLACK JEWS GETTING MONEY FROM THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS WITH A GLASS EYE!! WATCH THE SKIES!! WATCH THE SKIES!!
We new return you to Touched in the Grey Matter already in progress.ng commando?!?!
*Or more than once if yer lucky!!
So the 'sbanToday's Touched in the Grey Matter is being preempted so we may present to you a new and different blog:
TOUCHED IN THE YAWP MATTER.
THAT'S RIGHT, TOUCHED IN THE YAWP MATTER IS WRITTEN COMPLETELY IN UPPER CAPS SO YOU CAN SEE THAT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY IS IMPORTANT AND THAT YOU MUST LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT!!
AS A FOLLOWER OF MICHELE BACHMANN, I HAVE TO SAY THAT I AM SHOCKED - SHOCKED! - THAT FIRST THE HOMOSEXUALS TRIED TO TAKE OVER, AND THEN THE MUSLIMS TRIED TO TAKE OVER, AND NOW THERE ARE HOMOSEXUAL MUSLIMS THAT ARE TRYING TO TAKE OVER!! THERE'S EVEN A MOVIE ABOUT IT!
WHAT'S NEXT? HOMOSEXUAL JEWS? HOMOSEXUAL BLACKS? HOMOSEXUAL BLACK JEWS?? HOMOSEXUAL BLACK JEWS GETTING MONEY FROM THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS?? HOMOSEXUAL BLACK JEWS GETTING MONEY FROM THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS WITH A GLASS EYE?? IS THAT WHO YOU WANT RUNNING THIS COUNTRY? HOMOSEXUAL BLACK JEWS GETTING MONEY FROM THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS WITH A GLASS EYE??
UNLESS YOU, TRUE STRAIGHT WHITE AMERICANS (NOT THE CANADIAN KIND WHERE THEY THINK EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE HEALTH CARE AND MARRIAGE EQUALITY) TAKE CARE, THIS IS WHO WILL BE RUNNING THIS FINE UNITED STATES OF OUR AMERICA: HOMOSEXUAL BLACK JEWS GETTING MONEY FROM THE NATIONAL ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS WITH A GLASS EYE!! WATCH THE SKIES!! WATCH THE SKIES!!
We new return you to Touched in the Grey Matter already in progress.ng commando?!?!
*Or more than once if yer lucky!!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Oops!
Oops!
Yea, I know that's not the word of the day. Unfortunately our internets are down at home (someone will call me back). I will be back tomorrow with new and even more interesting insights into this thing called life.
Sorry...boy talk about throwing off my whole day...
Yea, I know that's not the word of the day. Unfortunately our internets are down at home (someone will call me back). I will be back tomorrow with new and even more interesting insights into this thing called life.
Sorry...boy talk about throwing off my whole day...
Monday, July 23, 2012
Welkin
Welkin
Oh, boy, an opportunity for more adventures in hot-air ballooning! Not really.
Speaking of welkin, I'm thinking I'm gonna take up lawn bowling just so I can wear these cool shoes. They come in sizes eight and nine, so what else do you need? It's nice to know that golfers aren't the only people who wear ugly clothes. I remember when I was 16, I was gonna take up golf. I got the clubs, the course membership, got signed up for lessons, and my mom gave me a first-day-of-golf present. I opened the box with high expectations, and was greeted with a 100% polyester Tony Soprano-style golf shirt. It was white with pink and brown horizontal pinstripes with the added luxury of palm tree silhouettes going around it. When I put it on and tucked it in, the trees appeared to be growing out of my pants.* I looked at my mom and said
"Giiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrl, I don't think so!"
You know, when you come from a conservative/traditional family like mine, it's never a good idea to call your mother "giiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrl."
So three weeks later when I was able to leave the house again, I took the shirt back to Fleet Farm, but they wouldn't take it because mom assumed I would love it and had thrown away the receipt and pulled off all the tags. So it's been hanging in my closet ever since. I took it off the hanger once three years ago and tried it on. It still fit because the only sizes Fleet Farm sold in golf shirts was XL and UL.** I was going to wear it to a party where people always dress in pink and/or lavender, but by now the shoulders had been stretched to where it looked like I was trying to hide a couple of 45 RPMs under there. So I put it back in the closet. The 'sband wants me to just get rid of it, but I can't - it was a present!
*That's what he said! Or not.
**Uber-Large. Go figure.
Oh, boy, an opportunity for more adventures in hot-air ballooning! Not really.
Speaking of welkin, I'm thinking I'm gonna take up lawn bowling just so I can wear these cool shoes. They come in sizes eight and nine, so what else do you need? It's nice to know that golfers aren't the only people who wear ugly clothes. I remember when I was 16, I was gonna take up golf. I got the clubs, the course membership, got signed up for lessons, and my mom gave me a first-day-of-golf present. I opened the box with high expectations, and was greeted with a 100% polyester Tony Soprano-style golf shirt. It was white with pink and brown horizontal pinstripes with the added luxury of palm tree silhouettes going around it. When I put it on and tucked it in, the trees appeared to be growing out of my pants.* I looked at my mom and said
"Giiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrl, I don't think so!"
You know, when you come from a conservative/traditional family like mine, it's never a good idea to call your mother "giiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrl."
So three weeks later when I was able to leave the house again, I took the shirt back to Fleet Farm, but they wouldn't take it because mom assumed I would love it and had thrown away the receipt and pulled off all the tags. So it's been hanging in my closet ever since. I took it off the hanger once three years ago and tried it on. It still fit because the only sizes Fleet Farm sold in golf shirts was XL and UL.** I was going to wear it to a party where people always dress in pink and/or lavender, but by now the shoulders had been stretched to where it looked like I was trying to hide a couple of 45 RPMs under there. So I put it back in the closet. The 'sband wants me to just get rid of it, but I can't - it was a present!
*That's what he said! Or not.
**Uber-Large. Go figure.
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