As you may/may not know, neither the 'sband nor I ever seem to get the Word in our email. Don't know what's going on with that, and when I went to the website to check on this morning's, it said "unknown." Everything else said unknown, too. And then I noticed the date was December 31, 1969.
OMG it's Y2K all over!!!
So I'm taking the day off. In fact, I'm always taking Friday off from now on. I'm nervous that trying to come up with something five days a week is gonna lead to burn out, so I'm cutting back a day. My apologies to the reader who reads it everyday at lunch. But hey, try, TRY to have a good day without it, OK?
Stay calm and know it'll be back on Monday...
Friday, September 7, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Inimitable
Inimitable
You know who I think is inimitable? That's right!*
So anyway, here's a few more things I think are inimitable:
*To my long-term reader: HA! I'm not THAT completely predictable!
You know who I think is inimitable? That's right!*
So anyway, here's a few more things I think are inimitable:
- The first sentence of Bellefleur by Joyce Carol Oates.
- The 3D effects in Hugo. (Thank you, Martin Scorsese!)
- Glen or Glenda directed by Ed Wood. Some bad movies are so bad they're funny (Plan Nine from Outer Space), some are embarrassing (Sextette with Mae West), but Glen/Glenda is so bad it's...just bad. Although the word "baffling" does come to mind.
- The Marx Brothers - 'nough said.
- The Ryugyong Hotel - not because of the design, but because, who gets that far along in building something and then just stops? Oh wait, North Korean Communists - answered my own question.
- The great Boston Molasses Disaster - at least I hope it's inimitable. I was trashing on the Commies, it's only fair to trash on the capitalists - at least the ones that are stupid and flagrantly negligent.
*To my long-term reader: HA! I'm not THAT completely predictable!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Wend
Wend
So the 'sband is watching Hell's Kitchen and they're picking teams for the final challenge - that is, the top two contenders are choosing.* I mention it cuz the last person to get picked felt like I felt when I was the last to get picked for kickball or baseball or basketball or football or whatever the hell ball we were suffering through - I mean "playing" - that day in phy ed. Luckily in my later high school years sections of phy ed turned co-ed** and there was tennis and curling*** involved.
But I was just thinking that how lovely it would've been if wending a winding trail had been a course in phy ed. Of course that woulda meant that the coach woulda had to actually join in, and well, those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach phy ed.**** But man, I would have loved phy ed if we had to go out walking in the woods.
So what exactly is the theory behind phy ed? Obviously getting physical exercise is really important, but is it purposely set up to make the non-physical feel bad about themselves? Do the idiots - er, people - that set up the class think that jocks suck at academics and this is their way of evening out the psyche field? The jocks get beat up in academics so now is their chance to beat up the smart people. But we all know that's crap cuz the jocks beat up people all the time - they don't need phy ed for that.******
But I have to say that I was never beat up by the jocks. I got harassed by the dirts. Until we got into our senior year of high school and I ended up hanging out with them. Strange bed fellows for sure. Yep, I lost my virginity to this totally hot n dirty guy with a motorcycle. Oh wait, that wasn't me, that was the sister on Roseanne. Never mind. Man, I am all over today! What is my point? Hmmm, tune in tomorrow, maybe I'll have one.
*If you don't know what I'm talking about, it doesn't matter. But I have to say, every one of those people swears more than I could ever even try to.
**When my father and older brother found out I was in co-ed phy ed, they acted like I single-handedly got women the vote or something (in a negative way).
***Hey, it was small-town Wisconsin - curling was, and still is, HUGE.
****Woody Allen*****
*****Ever notice how Woody Allen movies roll the credits "in alphabetical order"? I wonder if they would roll as such if his name was Woody Zimmerschied?
******Yes, this is a gross generalization of stereotypes, but hey, I'm not the one that set up phy ed the way it is.*******
*******Sorry for all the footnotes.
So the 'sband is watching Hell's Kitchen and they're picking teams for the final challenge - that is, the top two contenders are choosing.* I mention it cuz the last person to get picked felt like I felt when I was the last to get picked for kickball or baseball or basketball or football or whatever the hell ball we were suffering through - I mean "playing" - that day in phy ed. Luckily in my later high school years sections of phy ed turned co-ed** and there was tennis and curling*** involved.
But I was just thinking that how lovely it would've been if wending a winding trail had been a course in phy ed. Of course that woulda meant that the coach woulda had to actually join in, and well, those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach phy ed.**** But man, I would have loved phy ed if we had to go out walking in the woods.
So what exactly is the theory behind phy ed? Obviously getting physical exercise is really important, but is it purposely set up to make the non-physical feel bad about themselves? Do the idiots - er, people - that set up the class think that jocks suck at academics and this is their way of evening out the psyche field? The jocks get beat up in academics so now is their chance to beat up the smart people. But we all know that's crap cuz the jocks beat up people all the time - they don't need phy ed for that.******
But I have to say that I was never beat up by the jocks. I got harassed by the dirts. Until we got into our senior year of high school and I ended up hanging out with them. Strange bed fellows for sure. Yep, I lost my virginity to this totally hot n dirty guy with a motorcycle. Oh wait, that wasn't me, that was the sister on Roseanne. Never mind. Man, I am all over today! What is my point? Hmmm, tune in tomorrow, maybe I'll have one.
*If you don't know what I'm talking about, it doesn't matter. But I have to say, every one of those people swears more than I could ever even try to.
**When my father and older brother found out I was in co-ed phy ed, they acted like I single-handedly got women the vote or something (in a negative way).
***Hey, it was small-town Wisconsin - curling was, and still is, HUGE.
****Woody Allen*****
*****Ever notice how Woody Allen movies roll the credits "in alphabetical order"? I wonder if they would roll as such if his name was Woody Zimmerschied?
******Yes, this is a gross generalization of stereotypes, but hey, I'm not the one that set up phy ed the way it is.*******
*******Sorry for all the footnotes.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Aborning
Aborning
Crap, this is what I get for waiting til last minute. It's now 10.00 AM and I'm staring at a blank screen trying to aborn something. Is that even used right? I swear, words like that are so beyond me lexiconically that I feel insecure in their usage. Some people accuse me of just making words up - I don't make them up, I enhance them. But when a word comes to me that's already been enhanced by someone else, I feel obliged to use it properly for a while before taking liberties with it.* I can safely say I've never heard aborning before and will most likely never use it because it would just cause people to look at me askance.
It seems like there are certain words used by specific groups and no one else. "Birthing," for example. I know this is a gross generalization and is probably not really true, but as far I'm concerned, no one can hear the word birthing without thinking "I don't know no nuthin' 'bout birthin' no baby, Miss Scarlett!" And because of that, very few of us would ever say it in casual (or uncasual or discasual) conversation.
"Reckon" appears to be another of those words. In the US, at least in my experience, people don't use reckon because it has connotations of words used by "the Olde Timers" - the same people who would say "Storm's a'brewin', Pa!" Which as previously discussed may never have been said by anyone, but in my opinion should be in every Western movie ever made that has a storm. But back to reckon, I've noticed Europeans seem to have no problem with using it. In his song "Heartbeat Radio," Norwegian singer/songwriter Sondre Lerche croons:
"Tell me what you think about this song / Sue me if you reckon it's too long."
First couple times I heard it I was sorta kinda taken aback. No one uses reckon anymore, and yet, there it is. Hmmm. In the States, the only time we really use it seems to be when we "reckon with" someone/something, as in the "day of reckoning."
If I were to use any of the three words discussed above in daily conversation in a group, at least one person would look at me and either wait for the punch line or deliver it him/herself. Seriously, next time you're in a group, use one of those words and see what the response is. Post your results below. We'll be awaiting!
*I would make a joke here about "Sort of like guys" but that would make me sound sort of douchey.
Crap, this is what I get for waiting til last minute. It's now 10.00 AM and I'm staring at a blank screen trying to aborn something. Is that even used right? I swear, words like that are so beyond me lexiconically that I feel insecure in their usage. Some people accuse me of just making words up - I don't make them up, I enhance them. But when a word comes to me that's already been enhanced by someone else, I feel obliged to use it properly for a while before taking liberties with it.* I can safely say I've never heard aborning before and will most likely never use it because it would just cause people to look at me askance.
It seems like there are certain words used by specific groups and no one else. "Birthing," for example. I know this is a gross generalization and is probably not really true, but as far I'm concerned, no one can hear the word birthing without thinking "I don't know no nuthin' 'bout birthin' no baby, Miss Scarlett!" And because of that, very few of us would ever say it in casual (or uncasual or discasual) conversation.
"Reckon" appears to be another of those words. In the US, at least in my experience, people don't use reckon because it has connotations of words used by "the Olde Timers" - the same people who would say "Storm's a'brewin', Pa!" Which as previously discussed may never have been said by anyone, but in my opinion should be in every Western movie ever made that has a storm. But back to reckon, I've noticed Europeans seem to have no problem with using it. In his song "Heartbeat Radio," Norwegian singer/songwriter Sondre Lerche croons:
"Tell me what you think about this song / Sue me if you reckon it's too long."
First couple times I heard it I was sorta kinda taken aback. No one uses reckon anymore, and yet, there it is. Hmmm. In the States, the only time we really use it seems to be when we "reckon with" someone/something, as in the "day of reckoning."
If I were to use any of the three words discussed above in daily conversation in a group, at least one person would look at me and either wait for the punch line or deliver it him/herself. Seriously, next time you're in a group, use one of those words and see what the response is. Post your results below. We'll be awaiting!
*I would make a joke here about "Sort of like guys" but that would make me sound sort of douchey.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Inspissate
Inspissate
"Marmalade of carrots is the juice of yellow carrots, inspissated till it is of the thickness of fluid honey, or treacle, which last it resembles both in taste and color." — From Capt. James E. Cook's 1777 book A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World, Volume 1
Hello, my name if Captain James E. Cook. How many times have you been in the middle of the Ross Sea, overwhelmed by the beauty of Antarctica, and suddenly had the fancy for a nice piece of toast and some carrot marmalade, only to find that your favorite toast topper had turned runny and tasteless?
There has to be an easier way!
Now there is! Thanks to my newest book A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Canning Made Easy, Volume 1. Yes, this is the first volume of a twelve-volume set which no sophisticated library can be without. Read about my voyages to the frozen South Pole; that strange land of sexy accents, Australia; the delicious South Sandwich Islands; and journey with me to where everyday is a holiday, Easter Island!
Not only that, but every volume is packed with my garden canning recipes and tips! Make better jams and jellies! Wow your holiday guests with delicious, crispy sauerkraut! There's no need to spend your hard-earned money on ketchup when you can make it for pennies a quart with ingredients from your own garden! Hot and spicy beans! Pickled cucumbers! No need to make seven-bean salad on Christmas eve! Make it months in advance! All this and much, much more!
Yes, order now and in four to six weeks you'll get your first volume, A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Canning Made Easy, Volume 1. It's only .50p!! Then, every four to six weeks you'll receive a new volume, including A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Canning Made Easy, Volume 2, A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Canning Made Easy, Volume 3, A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Canning Made Easy, Volume 4. Keep them and pay only two pounds fifty! Each volume is beautifully bound in rich Corinthian leather and will be loved and cherished for generations!
But wait! Order now and when you complete your entire twelve-volume set, you also get A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Hooked on Knitting, Volumes 1 and 2! The captain of a sailing ship needs something to do on those long ocean voyages and now you'll know my secrets of not only making the most of your spare time, but making sure the crew has the best and warmest mittens, scarfs, and caps for exploring our frozen wonderlands!
So you don't forget, order right now!
"Marmalade of carrots is the juice of yellow carrots, inspissated till it is of the thickness of fluid honey, or treacle, which last it resembles both in taste and color." — From Capt. James E. Cook's 1777 book A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World, Volume 1
Hello, my name if Captain James E. Cook. How many times have you been in the middle of the Ross Sea, overwhelmed by the beauty of Antarctica, and suddenly had the fancy for a nice piece of toast and some carrot marmalade, only to find that your favorite toast topper had turned runny and tasteless?
There has to be an easier way!
Now there is! Thanks to my newest book A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Canning Made Easy, Volume 1. Yes, this is the first volume of a twelve-volume set which no sophisticated library can be without. Read about my voyages to the frozen South Pole; that strange land of sexy accents, Australia; the delicious South Sandwich Islands; and journey with me to where everyday is a holiday, Easter Island!
Not only that, but every volume is packed with my garden canning recipes and tips! Make better jams and jellies! Wow your holiday guests with delicious, crispy sauerkraut! There's no need to spend your hard-earned money on ketchup when you can make it for pennies a quart with ingredients from your own garden! Hot and spicy beans! Pickled cucumbers! No need to make seven-bean salad on Christmas eve! Make it months in advance! All this and much, much more!
Yes, order now and in four to six weeks you'll get your first volume, A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Canning Made Easy, Volume 1. It's only .50p!! Then, every four to six weeks you'll receive a new volume, including A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Canning Made Easy, Volume 2, A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Canning Made Easy, Volume 3, A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Canning Made Easy, Volume 4. Keep them and pay only two pounds fifty! Each volume is beautifully bound in rich Corinthian leather and will be loved and cherished for generations!
But wait! Order now and when you complete your entire twelve-volume set, you also get A Voyage Towards the South Pole and Round the World and Hooked on Knitting, Volumes 1 and 2! The captain of a sailing ship needs something to do on those long ocean voyages and now you'll know my secrets of not only making the most of your spare time, but making sure the crew has the best and warmest mittens, scarfs, and caps for exploring our frozen wonderlands!
So you don't forget, order right now!
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