Tranche
Every day I go to analytics (as you know), and every day I see the following:
The Colonies: 4
Матушка Россия: 2
Your mom: 1*
And then over to the side there's a pie chart showing the tranche.** Why they feel the need to have a pie chart is beyond me, but they do. So I was thinking, though, pie charts are so tired and cliche, I've decided that the next time I have to do a chart, it's going to be a casserole chart.*** Or perhaps a man-hole-cover chart. Or a Ferris-Wheel chart. Or heck, a Round-Up chart, or Tilt-a-Whirl chart**** Or perhaps a 33 1/3- or 45- or 78-RPM chart. That would keep the yung'uns guessin'!
While any of those are good for a circle chart, I'm truly torn when it comes to a rectangular chart. I really wanted to refer to them as blueberry cobbler charts, but then I suddenly remembered that they could be called letter-box charts. Then if I needed a square chart, it would be a full-screen chart, which would make it a duel name chart for whichever form was better suited. Man, the quandaries I have in life!!
Excuse me, but my private phone in my study is ringing, and we all know who it is!!
*Why and how it separates out my mom, I'll never know. She claims she knows none of the upper ups at Google, but i have my doubts. She used to claim the red phone in her sewing room wasn't a direct line to the Vatican either.And yet I couldn't use it because "it only understands Italian." Whatever.
**How's that for stretching that def?
***I was going use hotdish chart, but that's sort of hard to say.
****Scratch that! "Tilt-a-Whirl" is copyrighted - don't wanna get into trouble.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Agog
Agog
You know what I go agog over? Discovering new bands and singers. I discover someone and I get all out-of-control obsessive compulsive. The Lov'd One will get in the car and I'll have the CD player* going:
The Lov'd One: Whacha got on?
Me: Listening to some Sondre Lerche / Islands / Blondie**.
The Lov'd One: Ooooooooof course we are!
I can't help it! Music is just so great! I think part of it was growing up in the 60/70s and having to listen to rock and/or rock. Mind you, I've nothing against rock and/or roll, but when the '80s brought us New Wave, I knew I had finally found my music.
I used to work for a financial planning company in phone service and was talking to an advisor who lived in a town where we had gone to a jazz festival a couple times.
Me: So, you go the Bix?
Him: Naw, I don't care about music.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????????????
I literally dropped the phone - and it was a headset for Pete's sake! Seriously, my head imploded to the point that the headset just slipped right off! Just slipped right off!!
Me: Sorry, sir, my head imploded and you fell to the floor.
Him: No I didn't. I've just been sitting here the whole time.
Me: I meant the headset - I was speaking metaphorically.
Him: I don't really like metaphor.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????????????????????????????????????
Luckily I caught myself before anything happened.
Me: What about simile?
Him: Meh.
Me: Irony?
Him: Meh.
Me: What about in Moby-Dick, where Melville employs stylized language, symbolism, and the metaphor to explore numerous complex themes such as the journey of the main characters, the concepts of class and social status, good and evil, and the existence of God?
Him: Meh.
As you can imagine, there was just no way I could help someone like that. I dumped him (metaphorically) on my boss and went for a walk. Some people. Just ain't fittin'.
*Yes, CD player. So freakin' shoot me.
**Some of you may be wondering why I didn't include Pet Shop Boys. They are so omnipresent in my life, they go without saying.
You know what I go agog over? Discovering new bands and singers. I discover someone and I get all out-of-control obsessive compulsive. The Lov'd One will get in the car and I'll have the CD player* going:
The Lov'd One: Whacha got on?
Me: Listening to some Sondre Lerche / Islands / Blondie**.
The Lov'd One: Ooooooooof course we are!
I can't help it! Music is just so great! I think part of it was growing up in the 60/70s and having to listen to rock and/or rock. Mind you, I've nothing against rock and/or roll, but when the '80s brought us New Wave, I knew I had finally found my music.
I used to work for a financial planning company in phone service and was talking to an advisor who lived in a town where we had gone to a jazz festival a couple times.
Me: So, you go the Bix?
Him: Naw, I don't care about music.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????????????
I literally dropped the phone - and it was a headset for Pete's sake! Seriously, my head imploded to the point that the headset just slipped right off! Just slipped right off!!
Me: Sorry, sir, my head imploded and you fell to the floor.
Him: No I didn't. I've just been sitting here the whole time.
Me: I meant the headset - I was speaking metaphorically.
Him: I don't really like metaphor.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????????????????????????????????????
Luckily I caught myself before anything happened.
Me: What about simile?
Him: Meh.
Me: Irony?
Him: Meh.
Me: What about in Moby-Dick, where Melville employs stylized language, symbolism, and the metaphor to explore numerous complex themes such as the journey of the main characters, the concepts of class and social status, good and evil, and the existence of God?
Him: Meh.
As you can imagine, there was just no way I could help someone like that. I dumped him (metaphorically) on my boss and went for a walk. Some people. Just ain't fittin'.
*Yes, CD player. So freakin' shoot me.
**Some of you may be wondering why I didn't include Pet Shop Boys. They are so omnipresent in my life, they go without saying.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Torrid
Torrid
Surprisingly, the def I hear used the most is listed as the second. I never hear anyone saying, "I'm torrid, I need a drink!" Perhaps I'm just not hanging out with the right people. That's impossible - after all, they were all hand-picked by my parents. It's so easy having friends when they're picked out by one's parents. There's never any guess work. Will this person be a bad influence? Will this person try to get me hopped up on goofballs? No and no!!
But I digress.
I can't think of anything to write for this because my relationships have not been torrid. Sheer unadulterated drama, yes, torrid, no. And my 'sband and I, well, we first talked over a broken fax machine and on our first date went to a hole-in-the-wall Mexican dive. I suppose it could be made into a cute but (really) dumb Matthew McConaughey/Kate Hudson romance, but...
So anyway, I'm gonna let pre-code Hollywood torridate for us. Here are some torrid cavemen for you. And some torrid ballet dancing! Some red hot chorus girls with this. And just some very beautiful people being big-time Freudian.
I love that stuff!!
Surprisingly, the def I hear used the most is listed as the second. I never hear anyone saying, "I'm torrid, I need a drink!" Perhaps I'm just not hanging out with the right people. That's impossible - after all, they were all hand-picked by my parents. It's so easy having friends when they're picked out by one's parents. There's never any guess work. Will this person be a bad influence? Will this person try to get me hopped up on goofballs? No and no!!
But I digress.
I can't think of anything to write for this because my relationships have not been torrid. Sheer unadulterated drama, yes, torrid, no. And my 'sband and I, well, we first talked over a broken fax machine and on our first date went to a hole-in-the-wall Mexican dive. I suppose it could be made into a cute but (really) dumb Matthew McConaughey/Kate Hudson romance, but...
So anyway, I'm gonna let pre-code Hollywood torridate for us. Here are some torrid cavemen for you. And some torrid ballet dancing! Some red hot chorus girls with this. And just some very beautiful people being big-time Freudian.
I love that stuff!!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Satiety
Satiety
I love the second def: "the revulsion or disgust caused by overindulgence or excess." I just discovered another excuse to clutch my pearls, gesticulate, and swoon upon my fainting couch. "Ooooooh, satiety, satiety!!"
Unfortunately my Hubby (in six states) has prohibited me from donning my pearls when we dine at the Casino buffet.* The last time I was at the casino Sportin' the Strand (as we like to say in the business) I had lost nearly $8.00 and I couldn't help myself - the ignominy, the degradation, the disgrace, the dishonor - all those things! I stumbled forward, blindly, not knowing what I was doing. If it hadn't been for the cool, reassuring touch of the Gems of the Ocean - as it were - I most certainly would have withered away right there. Lucky I bumped into the High Stakes card table where I was able to thrust myneself upon it and get my wits back about me. Unluckily it was a High Stakes table and there was some High Stakes gaming going on and cards and chips went a-fluttering everywhere. As you can imagine, my emotions immediately went from near-swooning chagrin to indignation when it was obvious the people at the table cared more about their stupid card game than my mental health!! Instead of being whisked off to the nurse's office, I was whisked out the front door!! Bastards!! I did what any good American would do - threatened to sue them, but they obviously knew that the law is always on the side of the people with the money. Instead of taking me seriously, the "gentlemen"** told me to go ahead and try! See how they are. I even tried standing there shaking my fist at the front door, but it did no good. I'm sorry if this is upsetting to my reader who, like me, has a more gentle constitution, but this just gets my blood boiling. Excuse me while I go cool off.
Stupid casinos.
*Or BOO-fay as some like to say. Or BOO-fae. or BOO-feigh. Take your pick.
**A term I use VERY loosely.
Unfortunately my Hubby (in six states) has prohibited me from donning my pearls when we dine at the Casino buffet.* The last time I was at the casino Sportin' the Strand (as we like to say in the business) I had lost nearly $8.00 and I couldn't help myself - the ignominy, the degradation, the disgrace, the dishonor - all those things! I stumbled forward, blindly, not knowing what I was doing. If it hadn't been for the cool, reassuring touch of the Gems of the Ocean - as it were - I most certainly would have withered away right there. Lucky I bumped into the High Stakes card table where I was able to thrust myneself upon it and get my wits back about me. Unluckily it was a High Stakes table and there was some High Stakes gaming going on and cards and chips went a-fluttering everywhere. As you can imagine, my emotions immediately went from near-swooning chagrin to indignation when it was obvious the people at the table cared more about their stupid card game than my mental health!! Instead of being whisked off to the nurse's office, I was whisked out the front door!! Bastards!! I did what any good American would do - threatened to sue them, but they obviously knew that the law is always on the side of the people with the money. Instead of taking me seriously, the "gentlemen"** told me to go ahead and try! See how they are. I even tried standing there shaking my fist at the front door, but it did no good. I'm sorry if this is upsetting to my reader who, like me, has a more gentle constitution, but this just gets my blood boiling. Excuse me while I go cool off.
Stupid casinos.
*Or BOO-fay as some like to say. Or BOO-fae. or BOO-feigh. Take your pick.
**A term I use VERY loosely.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Validate
Validate
Or as I like to pronounce it:
LIKE ME!!!!
LLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE
MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank goodness (once again) for the interwebs!! Now all I have to do is post an entry, go in the next day and breathe a sigh of relief as I look at the analytics and see that all three of my friends (and my mom) still like me enough to read this thing!! And I mean literally all around the world! Or at least in the northern hemisphere. On two continents. Damn, I wonder how I could get a reader from Antarctica? Could you imagine? My next cocktail party: "I have readers on three continents, including Antarctica!" Wow.
Actually, I have really really good news. I now have an occasional reader from Malaysia, which means that at least once a week I already have readers from three continents! Take THAT Facebook!!
But I am most thankful because getting my validation validated online means I no longer have to roam the dark streets and bars of desperationville looking for validation from strangers. I used to say, "Hey, a stranger is just a one-night stand I haven't met!" Now I can say, "Hey, a stranger is just a person who hasn't increased my stats!" And instead of saying "Hey, would you like to come over and get better acquainted?" I can say, "Hey, you have a smart phone! Let me show you my blog!" I used to think when someone said they didn't wanna come over to get better acquainted it was because - poor lambs - they thought I was out of their league. Now when they don't wanna see my blog on their smart phone it's because - poor lambs - they're illiterate and embarrassed about not being able to read it in front of me.
So I'd like to thank you all 1) for being literate and 2) for validating me by stopping here and spending a few minutes on my blog. So, it's true! For learning and exploring new ideas and keeping my ego healthy - reading truly is fundamental!!
Or as I like to pronounce it:
LIKE ME!!!!
LLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE
MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank goodness (once again) for the interwebs!! Now all I have to do is post an entry, go in the next day and breathe a sigh of relief as I look at the analytics and see that all three of my friends (and my mom) still like me enough to read this thing!! And I mean literally all around the world! Or at least in the northern hemisphere. On two continents. Damn, I wonder how I could get a reader from Antarctica? Could you imagine? My next cocktail party: "I have readers on three continents, including Antarctica!" Wow.
Actually, I have really really good news. I now have an occasional reader from Malaysia, which means that at least once a week I already have readers from three continents! Take THAT Facebook!!
But I am most thankful because getting my validation validated online means I no longer have to roam the dark streets and bars of desperationville looking for validation from strangers. I used to say, "Hey, a stranger is just a one-night stand I haven't met!" Now I can say, "Hey, a stranger is just a person who hasn't increased my stats!" And instead of saying "Hey, would you like to come over and get better acquainted?" I can say, "Hey, you have a smart phone! Let me show you my blog!" I used to think when someone said they didn't wanna come over to get better acquainted it was because - poor lambs - they thought I was out of their league. Now when they don't wanna see my blog on their smart phone it's because - poor lambs - they're illiterate and embarrassed about not being able to read it in front of me.
So I'd like to thank you all 1) for being literate and 2) for validating me by stopping here and spending a few minutes on my blog. So, it's true! For learning and exploring new ideas and keeping my ego healthy - reading truly is fundamental!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)