Upbraid

Pre-code humor from, of all people, Ted Healey and his Stooges.
Larry: What would you do if a woman walked up to you and kissed you?
Moe: I'd kiss her back.
Larry (extending his hand over his head): What if she was yay tall?

So last night when, thanks to frigging Daylight Savings Time, I was vainly trying to get to sleep (that is I was trying to get to sleep in vain, I was not being vain about doing it - "Man lookit me trying to go sleep. I so totally rock when I'm doing this. So much more cool at it than most people.") I was thinking about the above joke, and it brought back memories of when I was in college...

Picture it, Collegetown USA. Some relative of one of the three stooges writes a book, and goes on a tour with it and some Stooges films. The show is free and starts at 10.00pm, giving us all just enough time to get half wasted before going to the theater. They start with a feature-length, but, to everyone's utter chagrin, it's not really our belov'd Stooges, but is, in fact, a review of some singers or something or other, with the Stooges just coming in to sort of tie things together...sort of. Needless to say it does not take long for the catcalls to start. Not sure how much my dorm mate and I joined in, but I do remember at one point there was a beautiful dame sitting on a stage with her dress all billowed out around her singing her song, and I hollered out "E.T. phone home!" I have no idea what it meant in this context, either then or now, but my dorm mate thought it was stupefyingly hilarious.

After the feature was over, but before the shorts, the manager came out and said we were acting like shit. Seriously, his upbraiding included cursing. No one cared, of course, but they gave away a copy or two of the book, started the shorts, and all was well.

But it got me thinking that "E.T. phone home" is a great catch-all phrase to holler whenever a movie or other performing art pieces sucks. For example, there you are, it's June and you got suckered into the weekend-long retrospective of Mariah Carey on film. Suddenly, in the middle of "Glitter," you realize that the sun is shining, it's 80 degrees (F) outside and you really hate this freekin' movie.* "E.T. phone home!"

Or perhaps someone says "You wanna see Phantom of the Opera?" And you think, "Cool! I love Lon Chaney!" But it's not Lon Chaney it's freekin A L Weber. There they are, the phantom and Christine in their boat being pushed across the stage..."E.T. phone home!"

Seriously, "E.T. phone home" such an interesting quote - suitable for every occasion.


*Please excuse me, I've never actually seen the freekin movie "Glitter," so for all I know it rocks. But I'm thinking not.