Nugatory

So the other half and I were watching the art film (not to be confused with an "art" film. Although some might call it an "art" film. I think the other half would say it was art. I get art and "art" so easily confused.) Pink Narcissus starring Bobby Kendall who was surprised that he was chosen because "he had never considered himself to be attractive" (from IMDb). How, I queried myneself, could someone that beautiful think himself nugatory (I'm not going out to far in the definition suburbs for that usage, am I?) in the looks department? Obviously (and we all know this) it all has to do with ego. I'm not pretending I know anything about Mr. Kendell - I have no idea what his psychological make-up was- but I do know if you don't like yerself, yer not gonna feel attractive.

On the other hand, there are certain famous-for-being-famous people - who shall go unnamed (it's not that kind of blog) - who think they're the proverbial bee's knees (or is it bee's proverbial knees?) who, well, aren't. Has nothing to do with the outside, has all to do with the inside (and helped out by constant paparazzi).

It got me thinking again how, if you're different, society, or at least certain factions, try to make you feel bad about yourself. I read online that Mr. Kendell was/is straight, but for any GLBTer who lived through the pre-Stonewall years, life woulda been obviously even more hellish than now with a constant bombardment of put downs and out right lies from the government. Thing that really burned me up, last night there was a guy - a gay guy, mind you - who said that he didn't understand all the ballyhoo about bullying because "it's been around forever." Up yours, big guy. When I was a teenager I got bullied and pushed around and crap, but no one every told me that I deserved to die. When I think of that stuff I'm glad we didn't have the Nets when I was a young-un. Holy crap. When I was a kid, gay people all lived in big cities and were hair dressers, so in a way it was almost easier for me, because people didn't think about it as much. But now, shit, every time a good looking guy walks past a group of teen girls, they wonder if he's gay. So yes, bullying has been around forever, and much of it was produced by the government, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be doing something about it now. Thank goodness Dan Savage didn't think that way.

And maybe it's cuz I'm spoken for, but when a hot guy walks by me, I didn't give a rat's patootie if he's gay or straight - I just enjoy the view.