Dundrearies

Dundrearies

"Hello, I'm Mr. Dundreary. How are you?
I am fine. I have a monocle stuck
in my eyelid. Pity, that."

 Yea, they're Done Dreary alright. I hate long bushy sideburns! I wonder if you grew them long enough if you could turn them into dreadlocks. Get some extensions woven into them. Maybe some nice vintage multi-colored yarn, or perhaps if you're a real man, some multi-colored telephone/computer cable. Or to prove that you're really a true man, some twisted duct tape. Yea, that would be neat. People would ask you questions that they knew you'd answer negatively just to watch you shake your extensions back and forth. And every time you did you get a little massage on your neck from the slapping of the cables. But it would be just enough to get the blood flowing without really hurting. But that would lead to an extension addiction and you'd grow your beard out and get stuff woven into that and you'd get all kinds of long beaded cords and yards of straw woven in and would become a professional hula dancer and you'd never put on your skivvies cuz hell, it's not like anyone can see through all the straw and cords hanging from your beard but you forgot that you didn't have any extensions put on the backside of your head and you'd get arrested for walking around with your South Side flopping in the wind but by this time you don't care - you're a rebel, man, ain't no way The Man gonna make you wear pants - besides you got a gig to get to - the cats are waiting for you to do your hula dancing at that hip new spot all the hip cats are going to - the Hip Hip Hooray Club where "If you're ain't hip, you're a drip" and your people have gathered to watch you, but of course that cop, he don't care cuz he's just workin' for The Man and he takes you downtown to the Big House where you spend the night with two winos and some guy that thinks you're some sort of savior cuz man, you're giving off the vibe and what does he have to do to be saved, but you just  ignore him - you don't have time for that kind of jive, you need to get outa here but that don't happen til the next morning - the next morning she comes - you know - the moll with the gams from here to next Arbor Day and you look at her and it suddenly seems like you been in the slammer fer so long that you think you never gonna see anything like that and yet here she is and she's ready to sign, seal, and deliver you - deliver you right out of that Popsicle stand and when you leave with the dame the sun is coming up and there's litter blowing across the streets and one-night stands on their walk of shame and you have no idea who she is or where she came from, but she's got a job for you, see, a job you can't refuse - a job you don't want to refuse, cuz you've always been a sucker for a 38 27 38 and here she is leading you to the unexplored side of town where you ain't never been.. And that's how you got to be the receptionist at Great Clips.