Welkin

Welkin

Oh, boy, an opportunity for more adventures in hot-air ballooning! Not really.

Speaking of welkin, I'm thinking I'm gonna take up lawn bowling just so I can wear these cool shoes. They come in sizes eight and nine, so what else do you need? It's nice to know that golfers aren't the only people who wear ugly clothes. I remember when I was 16, I was gonna take up golf. I got the clubs, the course membership, got signed up for lessons, and my mom gave me a first-day-of-golf present. I opened the box with high expectations, and was greeted with a 100% polyester Tony Soprano-style golf shirt. It was white with pink and brown horizontal pinstripes with the added luxury of palm tree silhouettes going around it. When I put it on and tucked it in, the trees appeared to be growing out of my pants.* I looked at my mom and said


"Giiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrl, I don't think so!"


You know, when you come from a conservative/traditional family like mine, it's never a good idea to call your mother "giiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrl."

So three weeks later when I was able to leave the house again, I took the shirt back to Fleet Farm, but they wouldn't take it because mom assumed I would love it and had thrown away the receipt and pulled off all the tags. So it's been hanging in my closet ever since. I took it off the hanger once three years ago and tried it on. It still fit because the only sizes Fleet Farm sold in golf shirts was XL and UL.** I was going to wear it to a party where people always dress in pink and/or lavender, but by now the shoulders had been stretched to where it looked like I was trying to hide a couple of 45 RPMs under there. So I put it back in the closet. The 'sband wants me to just get rid of it, but I can't - it was a present!

*That's what he said! Or not.
**Uber-Large. Go figure.