Divertissement

Divertissement

Wouldn't life be just that much more wonderful if we could have a bit of divertissement? That's what I thought, too! Thus many years ago after I won a huge amount of money in the lottery, I hired a small dance troupe to come and divert me throughout the day. It was an eight-person troupe, and they would hang out in a van until I needed them. Between paying the dancers, feeding them, the van, and the driver, you can imagine that this put me back a bit. Unfortunately the first week I forgot I had hired them - I mean really, can you blame me? I'm not used to having a dance troupe at my beck and my call. Finally I said to the 'Sband,

"Why is that van following us around everywhere?"

"That's that dance troupe you hired."

Right! I had hired a dance troupe! At the time we were heading to Target on Lake St cuz I needed new socks. The 'Sband and I get out, and the dance troupe gets out, and we all walk into the store. I figured hey, now is as good a time as any for a divertissement. 

"Ok," quoth I to the quarterback, or whatever the lead dancer is called, "divertisse us!"

I was expecting perhaps a little Swan Lake or Nutcracker or something. But instead, two of them starting hopping up and down in place, a few of them started whipping their hands around and taking giant steps around us and the others flapped their arms like they were wings and started pecking at the racks of women's clothes!

"Whoa! Whoa!" quoth I. "What the hell are you doing?"

The lead dancer dude, the coach, whatever, swept in front of us, grasping above him like there were grapes hanging from the ceiling. "We are....dancing!!!"

"No yer not - yer just...hopping around!"

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you and your dance troupe to leave."

Oh crap. 

"It is our vignette called "Shopping...at...TARGET!" He moved his hands in front of his face like he was trying to separate the air.

"Can't you do some pirouettes or something?"

He was obviously scandalized - his arms dropped to his sides and his eyes went the size of nectarines. "We do not do that old-fashioned claptrap! We do...emotions!" More separation of the air.

"Sir, you and all these people..."

"Uuuuh...do you even know how to pirouette? Oh my God, you don't know how!"

Nectarines again. "I've never been so insulted in all my life! We have performed coast to coast!* We have performed for Her Majesty the Queen!** Carnegie Hall!*** We don't need you...you...philistine! Come, dancers...to the van!"

And they all walked out.

Ends up that evidently they did need me cuz although I didn't want their services, they kept me to the six-month contract I had signed. Stupid contracts. Unfortunately, there went all my winnings, too. It was a very expensive day. Stupid socks. 

*Between Leech Lake and Lake Vermillion. 

**Some drag queen at the Gay 90s.

***The Carnegie Library in Brainerd.