Hiatus

Hiatus

Laurence Sterne is myne hero du jour. How great would it be to say to someone, "I was so embarrassed when I was getting ready for bed! I realized that the entire day I'd been walking around with a hiatus in the seat of my pants!" Wow. That wouldn't confuse anyone!


"And when he left me, I had a hiatus in my heart!"*
"Here, take this shovel and dig a hiatus for the dead body."


Alright enough of that. 
Uh oh. Me in trouble. 


Remember yesterday when I said that I looked silly smoking in my late teens but that it was the only time I ever did (look silly)? Welcome to Looking Silly Time the sequel. I know you're all going to laugh at me, but - oh cripes, major confession time here - I've been going through life confusing hiatuses with diphthongs. From Wikipedia:

"A diphthong, also known as a gliding vowel, refers to two adjacent vowel sounds occurring within the same syllable. Technically, a diphthong is a vowel with two different targets: That is, the tongue moves during the pronunciation of the vowel. In most dialects of English, the words eye, hay, boy, low, and cow contain diphthongs.
"Diphthongs contrast with monophthongs, where the tongue doesn't move and only one vowel sound is heard in a syllable. Where two adjacent vowel sounds occur in different syllables—for example, in the English word re-elect—the result is described as hiatus, not as a diphthong."

For years I've been telling people that hiatuses were diphthongs. DAMN! I feel like I need to call my sponsor and make amends to like fifty people!!** I didn't even know the hiatus existed!! The only reason diphthongs ever came up in conversation was because when a team name needed to be created, I always suggested Esoteric Diphthong. Seriously, isn't that the best team name for anything ever?? Unfortunately, I'm evidently the only one who thinks so.

Man. I need to go now and hiatus.***


*Which is almost Shakespearean in its ambiguity, thank you very much.
**Oops, forget I said that.
***No idea what I meant by that. I'm just so crest fallen with ignominy that I can't think of a decent ending.