Aborning

Aborning

Crap, this is what I get for waiting til last minute. It's now 10.00 AM and I'm staring at a blank screen trying to aborn something. Is that even used right? I swear, words like that are so beyond me lexiconically that I feel insecure in their usage. Some people accuse me of just making words up - I don't make them up, I enhance them. But when a word comes to me that's already been enhanced by someone else, I feel obliged to use it properly for a while before taking liberties with it.* I can safely say I've never heard aborning before and will most likely never use it because it would just cause people to look at me askance.

It seems like there are certain words used by specific groups and no one else. "Birthing," for example. I know this is a gross generalization and is probably not really true, but as far I'm concerned, no one can hear the word birthing without thinking "I don't know no nuthin' 'bout birthin' no baby, Miss Scarlett!" And because of that, very few of us would ever say it in casual (or uncasual or discasual) conversation.

"Reckon" appears to be another of those words. In the US, at least in my experience, people don't use reckon because it has connotations of words used by "the Olde Timers" - the same people who would say "Storm's a'brewin', Pa!" Which as previously discussed may never have been said by anyone, but in my opinion should be in every Western movie ever made that has a storm. But back to reckon, I've noticed Europeans seem to have no problem with using it. In his song "Heartbeat Radio," Norwegian singer/songwriter Sondre Lerche croons:

"Tell me what you think about this song / Sue me if you reckon it's too long."

First couple times I heard it I was sorta kinda taken aback. No one uses reckon anymore, and yet, there it is. Hmmm. In the States, the only time we really use it seems to be when we "reckon with" someone/something, as in the "day of reckoning."

If I were to use any of the three words discussed above in daily conversation in a group, at least one person would look at me and either wait for the punch line or deliver it him/herself.  Seriously, next time you're in a group, use one of those words and see what the response is. Post your results below. We'll be awaiting!

*I would make a joke here about "Sort of like guys" but that would make me sound sort of douchey.

Agog

Agog

You know what I go agog over? Discovering new bands and singers. I discover someone and I get all out-of-control obsessive compulsive. The Lov'd One will get in the car and I'll have the CD player* going:

The Lov'd One: Whacha got on?
Me: Listening to some Sondre Lerche / Islands / Blondie**.
The Lov'd One: Ooooooooof course we are!

I can't help it! Music is just so great! I think part of it was growing up in the 60/70s and having to listen to rock and/or rock. Mind you, I've nothing against rock and/or roll, but when the '80s brought us New Wave, I knew I had finally found my music.

I used to work for a financial planning company in phone service and was talking to an advisor who lived in a town where we had gone to a jazz festival a couple times.

Me: So, you go the Bix?
Him: Naw, I don't care about music.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???????????? 

I literally dropped the phone - and it was a headset for Pete's sake! Seriously, my head imploded to the point that the headset just slipped right off! Just slipped right off!!

Me: Sorry, sir, my head imploded and you fell to the floor.
Him: No I didn't. I've just been sitting here the whole time.
Me: I meant the headset - I was speaking metaphorically.
Him: I don't really like metaphor.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????????????????????????????????????

Luckily I caught myself before anything happened.

Me: What about simile?
Him: Meh.
Me: Irony?
Him: Meh.
Me: What about in Moby-Dick, where Melville employs stylized language, symbolism, and the metaphor to explore numerous complex themes such as the journey of the main characters, the concepts of class and social status, good and evil, and the existence of God?
Him: Meh.

As you can imagine, there was just no way I could help someone like that. I dumped him (metaphorically) on my boss and went for a walk. Some people. Just ain't fittin'.


*Yes, CD player. So freakin' shoot me.
**Some of you may be wondering why I didn't include Pet Shop Boys. They are so omnipresent in my life, they go without saying.